Take 10 minutes out of each day to talk to someone you care for.
Stubbornness. It’s the root of all relationship evil. It’s easy enough to say to never go down this road. Yet, inevitably all couples will at some point have to deal with this emotion. Personally, it’s been a recurring theme in my arguments with my girlfriend. And I can’t seem to figure out who’s more stubborn; is it her or is it me. Perhaps the correct answer is that it doesn’t matter. Because, in all likeliness, I’m as stubborn if not more stubborn than she is.
So what is stubbornness? Well, in my short three year experience, stubbornness is a lot of things. But mostly, it’s when you and your partner are stuck in an argument that keeps going around and around like a ferris wheel and no one wants to give in.
So I ask myself, what’s my solution to this. As of now, my multi-pronged solution is to 1) always keep an eye on the bigger picture and 2) be patient and understanding. The bigger picture is to help you realize that there’s no need to get heated and angry because the argument is temporary. It’s not worth the headache nor the heartache. Patience and understanding means deep breathing and meditation to take your mind away from angry thoughts. And to add onto my multi-pronged approach, 3) remember this blogpost! This is as much a reminder for me than it is for anyone else. I’m the author of this blog and even I forget the very things I write. And in forgetting, even I do the very things I wrote down NOT to do. Yes, I admit I’m a hypocrite.
Just because you think that something is “spilled milk” do NOT assume that your partner feels the same way. Spilled milk is relative only to the individual. Instead of trying to force your partner to “just get over it”, try to comfort and console her. Perhaps then she’ll see things your way. On the other hand if you insist on convincing your partner that the “spilled milk” is nothing to cry over, you’ll come off as an unsympathetic, stubborn boyfriend (douche bag).
Think of lies like a deck of cards and think of truth as solid concrete. Now ask yourself, which would you rather build a house out of? Then ask yourself again, which would you rather build your relationship on?
My girlfriend made another suggestion for our relationship meant for the betterment of our individual selves:
Let’s both try to commit to a little personal project from now on in order to push ourselves even further to getting our dream treehouse. Aka, you should turn off le TV and finish your project.
I couldn’t agree more. Now for the hard part: how to enforce this suggestion. *Takes a deep breath* Time for a little self discipline. Time to ignore my superficial desires to watch television and embrace the desire to be a productive member of society.
My girlfriend again suggested another rule, which I found to be perfectly reasonable:
When in an argument, listen to each other the first time without being defensive. Listen thoughtfully and carefully to help each other out.